From the Director's Chair ...
Essential AIM Guide for 2009
We are extremely grateful to Mick Pilsworth, Chairman of Motive Television, for producing this most helpful guide.
As we end a very difficult year both for the UK economy and for AIM-listed companies, it is perhaps an opportune moment to look forward to 2009 and all it may bring. As a result of the momentous events following on from the credit crunch, the demise of Lehman Brothers and the nationalization of most of Britain’s banks, many terms used in relation to a listing on the AIM market, and to finance and investing, have had to be updated to reflect changed market conditions. As a handy guide for readers of Aimzine, I thought it would be useful to summarize these here: |
AIM |
Absolutely Inferior-returns Market. |
|
|
A Bear |
A far-sighted genius |
|
|
A Bear Market |
A 12-18 month period during which the kids get no pocket money, the wife gets no jewellery and the husband gets no sex. |
|
|
APR |
Your monthly income. Stands for “Amount Presently Reduced” |
|
|
ATM |
Automated Teller Machine. A machine that formerly dispensed cash but now dispenses small slips of paper that tell you what you owe the bank. |
|
|
Bank |
A government-owned institution that withdraws loans from small businesses and individuals. |
|
|
Bed and Breakfast |
Where an investor lives. |
|
|
Broker |
Description of an investor’s financial status in 2009. |
|
|
A Bull |
Someone with no money. |
|
|
A Bull Market |
An easy-credit-fuelled boom during which an investor becomes a financial genius. |
|
|
Cash |
The amount of money a company has in the bank. Normally defined as 50% of the company’s market capitalization. |
|
|
Cash-flow |
The sound money makes when it is flushed down the toilet. |
|
|
CEO |
Chief Embezzlement Officer. |
|
|
CFD |
A sophisticated way of borrowing money to borrow shares to create more debt: yours. |
|
|
CFO |
Chief Fraud Officer. |
|
|
Closed Out |
What happens when you arrive home after losing everything. |
|
|
Core Tier One Capital |
What you have left under your mattress. |
|
|
Credit crunch |
The sound made as your bank destroys your Visa card. |
|
|
Credit squeeze |
Something that happens to a husband’s private parts when he has explained that Christmas has been cancelled. |
|
|
EBITDA |
Earnings Before Investment Trashing, Despair and Anger |
|
|
EPS |
Earnings per share. An archaic term no longer in use. |
|
|
Execution Only |
The fate of a small investor’s Financial Adviser |
|
|
Financial Adviser |
A job-seeker. |
|
|
Hedge Fund |
Unregulated, highly-secretive group of over-paid wide-boys. The term originates from the “Hedgehog”, a small animal, which, when in danger, resembles a bunch of pricks, shortly before it is flattened by an oncoming vehicle. |
|
|
Institutional Investor |
A penny-share investor in a psychiatric ward. |
|
|
Long-only Investor |
An investor who longs for the wealth he used to have. |
|
|
Market Correction |
What happens the day after you buy a share. |
|
|
NOMAD |
An acronym for “No Money And Desperate” |
|
|
Pension Holiday |
What you can now afford to buy with your pension. |
|
|
Profit |
An archaic term, no longer is use. Now replaced by the word “Loss”, or more usually, “Heavy Loss”. |
|
|
P/E Ratio |
Poverty/Enrichment Ratio: the ratio of small investors to short-sellers. |
|
|
Short-seller |
Former investor peddling summer clothing in Petticoat Lane |
|
|
Standard & Poor |
Description of an investor’s lifestyle. |
|
|
Stock Split |
What happens when an investor gets divorced. |
|
|
Stockbroker |
Someone who invests your money until it is all gone. |
|
|
Value Investor |
Small investor whose portfolio has no value. |
See also Mick Pilsworth's Solution to the falling stock market in our AIM New Year Resolutions.
If you would like to comment on this article please click here
RETURN TO AIMZINE NEWSLETTER HOME | January 2009
|
Mick Pilsworth, Chairman of Motive Television
Motive Television (www.motivetelevision.co.uk) is a leading media investment company, specializing in television rights owners. Based in London, it is listed on the AIM and is led by television industry expert Mick Pilsworth.
Motive's investments include:
A 49.9% interest in comedy production company Brown Eyed Boy, whose credits include “Three Non-Blondes”, “Little Miss Jocelyn” and "How Not to Live Your Life", starring Dan Clark, all for the BBC.
A 50.6% interest in Manchester-based Scarlet Television, whose recent credits include “Britain’s Biggest Babies” and "Diana's Last Summer" for ITV1, "Britney: Speared by the Paps", "50 Greatest TV Endings" and "50 Ways to leave Your TV Lover ”, all for SKY 1; Richard E. Grant's "Elementary My Dear Viewer" and "Roald Dahl's Revolting Rule Book", both for ITV3; "The Making of a Monster" for Crime & Investigation Network, and "Beefcake: A Very British Sex Symbol", for BBC2.
A 50% interest in Luminous Productions, which has piloted a new family entertainment show, "Creche Test Dummies", starring Jason Byrne, for RTÉ.
A 100% interest in Dublin-based production company Motive Television Ltd, whose credits include "Summer in the Sun", for Irish broadcaster RTÉ. "Part of What We Are" for Setanta Sports and “No Place Like Home”.
A 50% interest in London-based factual entertainment specialist Rumble TV Productions Ltd.
This article is the copyright of Aimzine Ltd. No part of this article should be copied, reproduced, distributed or adapted in any way without our prior consent. |