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RETURN TO AIMZINE FRONT PAGE  January 2010

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In this regular slot Ash Mehta provides an inside view of what’s happening in the City and how it affects you the private investor.

                     

   

Tales from within the City walls

Greed, mistakes and hope - just another year in the City

 

This month I thought I’d share some holiday miscellany of conversations inspired by real events during this tumultuous year in the City. My thanks to everyone in the City who has contributed thoughts and ideas to this column during the year. All the best for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2010.

                          

Here are my three tales:

 

1. Relocation, no relocation, divorce

Charlie, a 30-something hedge fund manager based in Mayfair, comes home from work at 10pm with some good news for his wife.

 

Charlie:    Darling, I’ve got some good news. Ed, James, Russ and I have decided that we’re relocating Fecundit Capital Partners registered office to Zurich. We’ve all had enough of the tax rises, and this country’s going down the toilet.
Pippa: 

That’s interesting dear.

Charlie: Good. And we can all go skiing more often. I knew you’d be pleased.
Pippa:  Yes, it’ll be nice to get over to our chalet regularly.
Charlie: We’re moving in late January and I’ve already got a luxury apartment sorted
Pippa: Have you?
Charlie:  ….with six bedrooms, in Baden.
Pippa: Why do you need six bedrooms for four of you?
Charlie Not for the guys. For us. Alfie, Lottie and Ollie can each have a double room and we’ll have two spare rooms for friends coming over to stay.
Pippa  Charlie, I’m not leaving South Ken. The kids love their schools and we’ve made so many good friends. You’ll have to go by yourself. Perhaps you can come home at weekends.
Charlie  What? But I’ll never see the kids during the week.
Pippa  So, what’ll change?
Charlie And anyway, weekends will be for skiing.
Pippa   OK. We’ll come over at weekends sometimes.
Charlie   Sometimes? What are you talking about? That won’t work. It’ll be like we’re separated or divorced.
Pippa  Yes, you’re right. Well I guess we may as well be. I quite like the idea of half your money with none of you.
   

With the City’s reputation tainted and tax rises imminent, many people are threatening to leave the UK to work in other countries. So far, though, I haven’t come across any examples where anyone has actually done so. Collins Stewart has gained publicity for its scheme offering relocation to its staff but it will be interesting to see how many people actually take this up, especially as they won’t be able to escape the tax on their 2009 bonus even if they relocate tomorrow. The press likes to hype up the impact but overlooks the fact that tax rates aren’t the only factor affecting where people decide to live.

 

Recession has always been a factor raising divorce rates and studies show that couples who experience any sudden significant and unexpected change in income--positive or negative--are at risk of divorce.

 

 

 

Ash Mehta                        

 

All the best for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2010

2. Coins for sale

Mr Brown, a gentlemen in his late 50’s, calls his broker (in a gruff Scottish accent) to sell some gold coins.

 

Mr Tracey 
Good afternoon, Geezer Broking, John Tracey speaking. How can I help you?
Mr Brown         
Er, yes Mr Tracey. I’d like to sell some gold coins.
Mr Tracey        
Hello Mr Brown how are you? How are your finances bearing up during these times?
Mr Brown         
Er, yes, fine thank you

(overlooking the fact that he’s talking on the phone Mr Brown produces a smile as if passing a Krugerrand in his stool)

Mr Brown         
Look, I want to sell some gold coins I inherited.

Mr Tracey        

Of course Sir. How many would you like to sell?
Mr Brown         
About 415 tonnes.
Mr Tracey        
Are you sure sir? The price of gold has hit an all time low and we think it’s going to pick up again soon.
Mr Brown         
Yes, yes, I’m sure thank you. It’s not earning any interest and I’ve got other things I could be spending the money on.
Mr Tracey        
OK sir let me get a price for you…… Actually, I’ll have to call you back.

A while later

Mr Tracey        
So, Mr Brown, It’s been difficult but I’ve found some Chinese gentlemen who are willing to offer 280 dollars an ounce which would be US $3.9 billion. Would you like to go ahead?
Mr Brown         
Yes please.
Mr Tracey        
Ok consider that done. Your account will be credited in five days time. Will you be looking to invest the proceeds? Would you like to speak to one of our advisers?
Mr Brown  
No, no thank you. I shall be spending the proceeds on something worthwhile, like some IT projects or perhaps some management consultants or civil servants.
Mr Tracey        
Very well sir. A good decision.

 

Mr Tracey presses the mute button on his phone whilst chortling and making faces to his colleagues in the office.

 

Gordon Brown, when chancellor, initiated the sale of 415 tonnes of Britain's gold reserves of 715 tonnes when the gold price was at a 20 year low. The auctions between 1999 and 2002 were at an average price of around $280 an ounce. This coincided with the start of the new bull market in gold which led to the gold price hitting a new high of over $1,200 in early December 2009. The notional loss to the country totals around US$ 10 billion.

 

 

 

 

 

   

3. Charity begins at the Portesbury

David, late 40’s, is a director in BSBS Bank and having been stuck in a taxi in traffic is running late for his works annual party at the Portesbury Hotel. He rushes past some BSBS posters into the ballroom where grace is about to be said.

Doorman:    
Ah, Sir. We heard you were running late. Table 1 by the podium.

David proceeds to the vacant seat at the table, unaware that he doesn’t recognise anyone. Grace is given and the conversation begins with Emma, the host of the table.

Emma:                     
Hello, my name’s Emma, I’m CEO of the charity. So you’re from BSBS Bank?
David:                 
Er, yes. Hello my name’s David.

Emma:             

We heard that Brian couldn’t come.
David:                 
Did you?
Emma:             
It’s so kind of you to sponsor us again this year. It’s really made a huge amount of difference to our projects.

David:               

Has it?

Emma:             

Yes, of course. You do read the quarterly reports we send over to BSBS don’t you?
David:               
Indeed I do…..Ah you send them to Brian in the Corporate Social Responsibility Department?
Emma: 
Yes that’s right. It’s a shame he couldn’t be here tonight. Still, I understand you’re all here next Wednesday for your Christmas party.
David:  
Er, we are. So tell me more about the work you do…..

 

The conversation continues and David plays his unintentional role of stand-in for his colleague Brian admirably and is fascinated by the work of the charity. At the end of the evening he goes home and his wife, Brenda, notices that he isn’t himself.

Brenda: 

Are you OK dear? You look a bit dazed. I thought you weren’t going to drink too much.

David:
Brenda, do you think some of the work I do is “socially useless” like Lord Turner said about some of the City’s activities?
Brenda:
No I wouldn’t say that. I’d say most of it is.
David:
Well, thanks for your support. I’m serious.
Brenda:
David, what happened?
David: 
I got the wrong night for my dinner. It’s next Wednesday.
Brenda: 
So where have you been?
David:
I’ve been at the Portesbury, talking to people who do something socially useful.
Brenda: 
Well that must have been a shock for you. Now I know why you look dazed. Perhaps its time you made a change.
David:
I think it is.

        

Last autumn, a guest at a black tie dinner arrived a week early for his intended event. He ended up meeting people he probably wouldn’t otherwise meet. In the insular, homogenous microclimate of the City that could have been the most stimulating thing he did all year. Perhaps he also considered whether his job is socially useful.

 

 

ash@orchardgrowth.com

 

Ash Mehta is Chief Executive of Orchard Growth Partners which provides Finance Director consultancy services. He is also part-time Finance Director of Northbridge Industrial Services plc, an AIM-quoted hire company, and he sits on the Executive Committee of the Quoted Companies Alliance, the representative body for smaller quoted companies. The views expressed are his own and do not necessarily represent the views of those organisations or of Aimzine Ltd.

 © Ash Mehta

RETURN TO AIMZINE FRONT PAGE | January 2010

 

CityInsider Archive  
   
December 2009 Show me the Money
November 2009 The inside view on insider trading
October 2009 Horses don't always run
September 2009 Swallow This
July 2009 Slice and Dice
June 2009 A Moat too Far
May 2009 The Fun-damentals of Fund Management
April 2009 Cease and De-list
March 2009 Non Non Monsieur Executive
February 2009 The Language of Going Concern
January 2009 The Ross Factor
 
 

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